Help Captain Tumor Man Raise Money for Cancer

Actually, I am raising money against cancer.

It always amuses me when people say they are raising money for cancer or some other disease. My parents used to go to fundraising events for Leukemia when I was a child. I used to ask myself: what sort of sadistic parents do I have who would raise money to spread Leukemia. My brother never got over the trauma of what turns out was a simple misunderstanding.

I'm starting a fundraising campaign for cancer victims like myself. Here is it how it works: you give money to Partners in Health to help Haitians in much more need than people like me in the richest country in the world seeing the best doctors money can find. This way, our struggle against cancer goes to help the needy, not the randomly ill.

Wealthy right-wing Republicans get cancer and they are going to continue to give loads of money for research and treatment. No one really cares about the Haitians.

So, let's get the cancer community -- the victims, families, friends and caregivers -- to rally around people who are truly fucked in every sense.

- Joe Dressner 5-5-2010 11:37am

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Joe Dressner - Captain Tumor Man!

Hi, I'm Joe Dressner the famous wine importer and I have brain cancer!

I already have a wine blog and frankly wine is such a luxury business that I hate to mix my cancer problems with my wine observations. I think it would be a general downer for the lifestyle crowd out there.

Furthermore, we in the wine trade always claim there are tremendous health benefits to drinking wine. I've already had cardiovascular bypass surgery over eight years ago and now I got a tumor aggressively rattling in my brain. My colleagues in the glamorous wine industry want me to keep it quiet.

So, I've started this wonderful new blog to discuss wine, brain tumors, my life and to give you hot tips on handling the cancer stricken around you. There will also be practical wine/radiation pairings when I start radiation therapy and chemotherapy next week.

Having brain cancer means I might both physically and intellectually decline. So, I will be using this blog as a venue to pursue petty vendettas against relatives, acquaintances and people in the wine trade.

I might also lose touch with reality and say things that are not true or are only half true. The important thing is to have fun and enjoy this rare and precious time in my life.

One of my pet vendettas is my cousin Dr. Barbara Hirsch. Dr. Barbara Hirsch is a very important Great Neck Endocrinologist, who was raised and nurtured by my parents. Dr. Hirsch waited until my father was near death and my mother was suffering from a rare neuromuscular disorder, to write them a seven page letter denouncing them for being horrible to her for the entirety of her life! Despite my concerns, Dr. Hirsch still refuses to apologize.

Last night, I drank a beautiful bottle of Bourgueil Clos Sénéchal 2005 from Pierre Breton. It was sublime and reminded me that I used to be healthy. Not only that, the vineyard used to be there before I existed. It exists independently of my having cancer and will continue to exist. You ought to buy some.

August 2009 Postscript: Not only does it exist independently of my cancer, it also exists independently of Louis/Dressner Selections. After 18 years, they have dumped us for Kermit Lynch. Oh well. At least I'm alive!

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